With an end always comes another beginning.
This is an approach I have been taking for things of late, whether it is the sense of attachment to a particular place or the friendships that I have made. All of the feelings of loss are but a momentary sigh; all the feelings of gain a mere reflection of the good times gone by.
With the end of my penultimate semester at Cornell, I feel it is obligatory to do a post on lessons learned from these past couple of semeters.
I have come to realize that imperfection is a good thing - a most desired ideal that I have only started to appreciate. Coming to terms with imperfection enabled me to do something I haven't done in a long while: to approach every day as though it was a new day for discovery.
I dare say that this is one of the most important lessons I have acquired throughout my college years. I have always been one to strive for perfection; I would over-analysis my mistakes and beat myself up for them. I never learned to let go of the past and move on. From the rifts in relationships to the less-than-stellar grades, I made it a point to remember all those "problems" and never let myself sleep unless I corrected them.
Determined to strive for perfection and constantly beating myself up for failing to reach this "ideal," I succumbed to countless emotional outbursts and physical breakdowns.
But I soon realized that I would never be that ideal, perfect self that I envisioned in the mirror. This realization came to me only after 7 semesters of being a constant train wreck on campus.
So here I am now, finally coming to terms with myself and adopting a more proactive and healthy attitude toward life. The failure to reach perfection does not make me any less worthy of a person; in fact, it only makes me stronger by approach life and all its hurdles with a positive mindset for self-development.
Let life bring out its best, because I have finally learned how to let go.
I have two separate friends - 3000 miles apart - who are experiencing the same thing: their days in AIESEC are numbered. How ironic that of all things, their exit from this organization proves the universality of the AIESEC experience.
I found common themes that weaved through their stories:
1) Personal feelings still matter, no matter how professional you want your relationship with your peers to be. We are human beings after all.
2) The time that you spend on a certain activity is inversely proportional to the amount of attention (might as well add respect, recognition, etc. to the list) that you get from others. Not that I am complaining, but just pointing to the irony of this fact: People who actually get their stuff done are being taken for granted, while others who do not do anything productive get all the coddling and kind words.
3) Being a visionary will also not gain you a lot of respect, especially when talking to higher authority. I attribute this to the male ego.
4) Once a person assumes you hold a certain opinion of them, it's hard for them to let it go. Even if you honestly only want to do things for the organization's greater good, they will still think that it's an attack on their character or leadership skills.
Life lessons. How one deals with these facts is another question.
Something that I have been contemplating over this Fall Break is, "Why am I doing the things that I do?" A simple answer to this is because I simply care about how my activities will impact others - whether I am contributing something to my community.
But one may ask whether I get too emotionally invested in the activities that I have devoted all my living hours to.
I would definitely not dispute this. I admit that I do get upset when individuals dismiss (quite cruelly put at times) the plausibility of a certain endeavor of mine. I have gotten quite "emotional" (crying, raising my voice, whatever is supposed to demonstrate that you're emotional and not rational; I still think it's quite silly to think that there's a direct correlation between the two) when individuals claim that some things are impossible or that I'm wasting my time, when in reality, they have not even attempted it themselves.
But is there something wrong with not being super happy when people put me down for the things that I have invested my effort and time in? Or that I am too emotional (read: irrational) for following my "feelings" in my way of going about my endeavors?
If there's one thing that I realized over this Fall Break, it would be to truly do what you love and succeed in it. If you let others tell you otherwise, you are simply giving in to others' definition of happiness and success for you.
You should always do what you love - what you feel really passionate about. Don't let others tell you any differently.
Perfect video to summarize my thoughts.
p.s. I got a research grant to do research in Israel this Winter Break. Super psyched to go back to the Middle East :) Maybe I'll do some networking with AIESECers over there for the Salaam Program too.
Obama spoke about his faith at a backyard campaign talk recently. I scrolled down to some of the comments left by readers. One individual's comment caught my attention: " I also attended a church every sunday in a small town on the coast of Texas. It was a baptist church, and frankly, I didn't agree with everything the preacher said. It was the late 60's and early 70's, but even in that era there was no excuse of the pastor's and much of the congregation's racism, sexism, classism, homophobia and general narrow mindedness, much less their blatent misuse of scripture for political and social advantage. I left that church much like Obama did his. In my case I became an Atheist, and for that I will be forever greatful to that little hateful church in Texas City." I was at first unsurprised by his comment. It simply reflects the general (secularist) disenchantment with pastors and the idea of Sunday services. But then something struck me. What does faith really mean? I think we often ascribe too much responsibility to others for our own attitudes on a particular religion, instead of reflecting back on ourselves and how much effort we actually put into knowing the true religion. It's as though the church, the pastor, the other churchgoers - anybody other than yourself - are responsible for your own belief. The essence of faith resides in an individual. Faith is not something that could be helped or hindered by others - not institutions, not individuals, nobody. It is up to you and only you. I can speak to this because those were the same sentiments I had for the past couple of years. I was disenchanted with the churches and fellowships I was attending. I looked around at the other Christians and thought, "What's the use of religion if I'm just going to turn into one of them?" I started seeing Christianity not through the word of God, but by others' actions. But these attitudes stemmed from own blindness toward my own imperfections and irresponsibility. My negative ideas toward Christianity were simply an excuse to not put the work and effort - reading the whole Bible, for example - into really knowing the faith. I should not blame others - only myself - for my own ideas of a particular religion. In sum, individuals should stop blaming churches and others for their own conceptions of a particular religion, and start discovering what religion means for them personally. Start by reading the Bible, the Torah, or the Quran, and see for yourself what those sacred texts really mean to you.
Maybe next time I get to ride in her taxi! Having more women on the road may not be a bad thing, considering the current predominance of reckless (male) drivers. I tend to think that women exercise more reason, patience, responsibility, and care when they are driving. But then again, that's up for debate.
I was talking with a friend of mine a couple of days ago, and I couldn't help but feel guilt throughout the conversation.
I made a casual remark about how uneventful and quiet (read: dull Friday scene for a college student) Ithaca was compared to cities like Vancouver and New York, but that's not to say I don't like Ithaca for what it is. My friend retorted by saying how Cornellians need to see others in the world - in presumably poorer countries - so they can "value what they got in hand."
His comment truly indicted me for my lack of empathy and blatant insensitivity to others' situation. We are often so caught up with our own lives that we fail to see the needs and wants of those around us - whether they are your next door neighbor or a friend across the Atlantic. I did not realize that I was imposing my own values of what is "good", "boring", "fun", etc. on others when I made that off-handed remark.
But maybe these remarks are inevitable, given our different situations. The times when we fail to recognize how good we've got it and complain to others how "bad" our situation, we are using our own frame of reference to judge our environment because that is all we have to work with. Hence, can we really use others' frame of reference when in reality, we have never experienced their wants, their needs, and their worries?
I am also caught in a dilemma: If we are making these judgments based on our relative situations, then what is really "good" and "bad"? Can we ever find these absolute values if in reality, all the values that we hold onto are constructed by our lived realities?
I was given a chance to have a glimpse of an alternative reality - when I was in their situation, living side-by-side with them. I think that is when one starts to recognize that there are different frames of reference - different social contexts, historical truths, and religious beliefs - through which one can view the world.
But this brings me back to my original point: if we are reminded of the dire situations in less-fortunate places, would we be compelled to act to bring them out of their relative misery, or would we still be content to sit around, wait till someone fixes the situation for them, and at the same time complain about our own relative unhappiness?
I, for one, am first to admit that I have fallen in the latter group. How do we get out of this rut?
One possible answer: Escape the fantasy world that is Cornell and start staking it out in the world.
I admire the brave individuals who have chosen to follow their conscience and not government directives. But do these instances of non-violent direct action actually pressure the Israeli government in retracting its obstacles - mainly the settlements in the West Bank - so that peace can be one step closer to being a reality in the region? After all, these small acts of protest do nothing to deter the significant voices within Israel (read: settlers, Lieberman and politicians in general) that espouse the idea that the land west of the Jordan river belongs only to the Jewish people. There is no reasoning with these individuals; they will simply continue on their trajectory of demolishing every single piece of Arab artifact in the region in order to justify their own historical/biblical narrative on their God-given land. So this begs the question: Is the (presumably) silent majority within Israel dead? Where are the ones who are supposed to be the voice of reason amidst the demagogues and fiercely-religious ideologues? It is time for the silent majority within Israel to make the Israeli government accountable for all its illegal activities beyond the Green Line. That is, if there is a silent majority left in Israel at all.
As I was listening to music on my ipod today, and I couldn't help but be reminded of the sunflower fields at Kibbutz Mizra and the narrow streets of Dokki. I think there is something about music, and the time and place you play it, that invokes feelings inside of you. I miss you, Egypt and Israel.
Hubris often gets the better of us. Why are we always stuck in an overly-optimistic mindset, that the worst scenario would always escape us? Despite the optimistic report on BP's ability to finally cap the well, we must not forget the irreparable damages that have befallen the communities along the Gulf. If our public policies continue to be grounded in the unsubstantiated belief that humans are capable of mastering market forces, natural phenomenon, and the like, another disaster like the financial crisis or the Gulf spill is likely to happen all over again. We need to acknowledge our own weaknesses and act with the necessary precautions that are not conditional on the profit-driven book-keeping.
Despite having not slept for the past 48 hours (thank goodness for coffee), I was able to find joy in the little things that happened today:
1) A spontaneous Skype call with Michelle about life. I missed you so much! <3
2) Another spontaneous Skype conference (!) with mom, Peter, and Annie :)
3) A sunny day instead of the usual crappy Ithaca weather
4) Sam Tsui got a new video up! (okay I am a bit obsessed with him)
5) And last but not least, 26 days until SAKE BOMB WEEK begins!
Of course, you all are invited to my week of debauchery that begins on October 16th! I will send out details soon :)
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